Today, let’s discuss conversation hacks: 25 questions to ask your “artsy” relative. The holiday season is coming up soon. If you are lucky (or maybe you think not) you’ll spend time with your family and friends. Families are still families even if social moires have changed (I think for the better.)
Conversation Hacks: 25 Questions to Ask Your “Artsy” Relative
My husband recently retired from his instrumental music teaching position and I from teaching theatre. Our daughters were both theatre majors and heavily involved in music as well. One daughter is still involved in the arts.
We always have plenty to talk about when we get together and surprisingly it isn’t Broadway. However, when it is the subject of theatre, we can dish like the best of them. Whenever this occurs, I’m sure our sons-in-law don’t know quite what to do with us. We try to keep it to a minimum around them.
As a child, I had a difficult time chatting with my family about my interests mostly because they were much older than I. Although they tried to be interested, I could tell they were just patronizing me. It hasn’t really never changed and now I’m in my sixties! Because they never know what to ask me, our conversations are one sided with me doing all the listening. Many a phone conversation has left me feeling empty and unheard. I now realize they need conversation hacks–easy ways to converse with others?
Did you know that 81% of us believe the holiday season is the most stressful time of the year?
My Personal Hack
My personal hack is F.O.R.M. (questions about family, occupation, recreation, money) to create conversation and usually I have little problem talking with others if I initiate the conversation.
It doesn’t go very well the other way around.
Yet, I bet other arts people have the same problem I do. In fact, I know they do. It’s one of the reasons arts people are such good friends with one another–we understand each other, because we are creative people. We try our best to talk sports or politics and sometimes we are successful. Remember, we are chameleons. If there is someone who can change themselves in order to blend with others, it’s an actor.
However, if someone would take the time to sincerely converse with us, I think they’d find what we do to be fascinating.
As you read the questions, just stick in art, music, dance or theatre as the project.
Conversation Hacks: 25 questions to Ask your Artsy Relative
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What are you working on now?
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How is it progressing?
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Is it ever frustrating? How so?
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What’s the best part of the project?
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Do other people help or work with you on it? Who?
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What is their involvement in it?
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Do you work with a budget on the project? If you don’t mind my asking, how much money is it?
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Is that the usual budget for a project like this?
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Is this the first project of this kind you’ve done?
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How is it different from others?
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Do you have a deadline for completion?
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Are you confident you’ll make the deadline?
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Are you ever worried about it? What are the worries?
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Does thinking about the project keep you awake at night?
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Is the worry well founded or unrealistic?
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When you visualize the outcome of the project, what does it look like?
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Is there a message you want to convey through it? What is it?
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Have you patterned your project after someone else’s? Whose and why?
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Who do you admire who has done this same project or a similar one?
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Why do you admire them?
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Will there be a public exhibition of your project? When is it?
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Will admission be charged to see it? How much does it cost for admission?
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Do you set the price of the admission or someone else does? Who and why?
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What is your most proud moment concerning the project thus far?
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Do you think you’ll attempt the project again? Why or why not?
How to Be An Effective Listener
I was looking for an information about the importance of family communication and connection and ran on to University of Delaware’s website, https://www.udel.edu/ and thought this might be helpful:
“Communication is the basic building block of our relationships. It is through communication that we convey our thoughts, feelings, and connection to one another.
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Developing good communication skills is critical for successful relationships, whether parent, child, spouse, or sibling relationship.
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We all have had experiences where (1) we have felt heard and understood and we’ve all had experiences (2) where we have felt misunderstood and even ignored.
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Generally, when we feel heard, we are less angry, stressed, and more open to resolving problems than when we feel misunderstood. Feeling heard and understood also develops trust and caring between people.
Communication is a two-way process.
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For communication to happen there must be (1) a sender—who conveys a message—and (2) a receiver—to whom the message is sent.
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In successful communication the sender is clear and accurately conveys the message she is trying to send. Also, the receiver clearly understands the message.
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Miscommunication occurs if the sender does not send a clear message and/or the receiver does not understand the message sent by the sender.
The article continues on to say, “Active listening is a way of listening to others that lets them know you are working to understand the message they are sending.”
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Make sure your body language conveys to them that you are interested and listening. You can make eye contact with them, turn your body toward them, and nod as they are talking to let them know you are listening.
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Reduce any distractions that will keep you from focusing on their message. Try to stop whatever you are doing that may distract you from their message—such as watching television or trying to read while the person is talking to you. You may need to tell them, “I will be better able to listen to you once I am done with ____. “ Trying to listen while doing other tasks usually does not allow one to clearly hear the message.
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Listen for the content and the feelings behind the words. Do not just listen to the content of what is being said. Listen for the feeling that the person is trying to convey to you. Are they expressing joy, sadness, excitement, or anger—either through their words or body language?
When the person has finished talking, paraphrase back to them what you heard them saying. “What I am hearing from you is……”“It sounds like ….. was very upsetting for you.”
Do not offer advice to the person. When we offer advice—especially when it was not asked for—this often shuts down communication. The person first needs to know that you have understood them and that they have sent their message clearly to you.”
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So there you have it–Conversation Hacks: 25 questions to ask your artsy relative while sitting around the dinner table. One word of advice–if people don’t ask you any questions about your present work, ask them if they’d like to know about it. Sometimes people just need a little help.
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Trust me, they are dying to share their work with you.
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Just ask them. Pick up a free drama resource about Lin Manuel Miranda here.
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- If you’d like to know more about my journey in theater, check out: How Theatre Saved My Life
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Contact me at dhcbaldwin@gmail.com or my website DeborahBaldwin.net
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I’d love to chat with you!
